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War of the Squads Book 2: Rise of Weegee is a prequel of War of the Squads, and the second book in The War of the Squads franchise. In this story Weegee is good, as It explains how he turned evil, how Comys thinks YouTube Poop World is real, as it explains how he started to realize YouTube Poop is fake and how Fizzy Walnuts turns evil.

Chapter 1: The Darkness

It was a peaceful day in YouTube Poop World, except Canada which was wartorn as usual, then darkness fell upon the world. Soon the Dark Squad took over the world. With that a new squad was formed by Fat Mario, Rainbow Dash, Patrick Star, Spongebob Squarepants, Squidward Tentacles, and Weeg. They then went to Canada to invite a Canadian since they were the most violent people on the planet. They soon met a Canadian named Comys, who they invited to join. Comys said he would join but only to protect his half-brother Tails, who at that time was only a baby. With that the Light Squad was formed.

The Dark Squads' leader Shadow the Hedgehog then sent I.M. Meen to take out the Light Squad. He accepted, and soon arrived at their HQ, and entered, disguised as a messenger. His disguise failed, and Shadow sent guards to kill him. He put up an amusing fight, killing two, but the third handcuffed him and took him to the leader: Shadow.

"You insolent fool! I told you to kill him!" Shadow growled.

"Master, he killed two of us, I don't think we should waste his Talents!" Replied the guard.

"Very well. Let's brainwash him." Said Shadow.

They strapped him to a chair, and showed demonic images of Smile.jpg and the number '666'. Slowly I.M. Meen turned satanic. By the time he was unstrapped, he was pure evil.

Meanwhile, Comys broke into the Dark Squad's base. Mario Head found him.

"DIE FUCKER!!!!" Comys screamed,

Comys then drawn a bazooka and killed Mario Head in one shot.

Comys then grabbed Mario Head's corpse, escaped the Dark Squad's based and ate Mario Head for dinner. These raids alerted the Dark Squad as a whole of the new threat. And it was growing. Eventually, the Dark Squad began Plan X, which was to Turn the public against the Light Squad. It worked, and they were no longer funded.

Tails, despite warning from Comys, joined Sonic, and Comys was forced to return to his house in Canada. Weeg was furious. He raided a town with above-average support for the dark squad, and learned how to use a viral stare. He murdered 18 people, and converted 3821 more. Weeg sent these people to destroy the HQ of the Dark Squad.

In the mean time, Comys was at his house noticing some strange patterns. The world itself was internally inconsistent, and the laws of physics were often violated. It was as if someone created them to make no sense. Just then, the window opened. He went to close it, but on it was a post-it-note that said:

You are right, Comys! Show the world you are. They may think you are crazy, but they are wrong

—The Writers

Comys was shocked. Then Morgan Freeman appeared,

"Hello Comys, I'm Morgan Freeman. I'm here to tell the truth, the world of YouTube Poop is fake. The writers sent me to tell you that there's another world. The Real World. This world is fake, created by the writers." Morgan Freeman said,

"Why should I believe you?" asked Comys,

"I'm Morgan Freeman" said Morgan Freeman,

"OH MY BUNGHOLE! THIS WORLD IS FAKE!" Comys screamed, as he came to the stark realization. At that moment, a great explosion. Greater than the normal explosion of war, as great as the Tsar Bomba! What caused it? The cause is none other than the destruction of the Dark Squad HQ!

Weeg returns to the Light Squad HQ, satisfied at what his minions did. He walks over to Squidward, telling him of the news.

"I Have completed my mission, Squid." Said Weeg.

"Good. We actually do have a chance then." Replied Squidward Tentacles. He then knew victory was not out of reach. They just needed more support.

That night Mr. Owl attacked Squidward, Comys managed to kill Mr. Owl, but the event turned Squidward into a douchebag, and left the Light Squad. With that everyone fought over who should be the new leader. Finally Comys said

"Weeg, thing about it, he's the only one who actually qualified to be a leader!",

No one agreed, then Comys said,

"Agree, or I will decapitate all of you!"

Everyone then agreed. Weeg, was then promoted to leadership of the Light Squad. His next moves were to attack the remaining based on the Dark Squad. Everyone then followed his orders, mostly because of Comys.

"That's it I quit!" Shadow screamed in the air,

"You can't quit, I won't let you!" A voiced yelled back,

"YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!" Shadow screamed,

"Oh, I can, for I am Evil Abed. I am the writer! I control everyone!"  Evil Abed yelled,

"NO!" Shadow screeched,

"and Shadow didn't quit, he stayed even though he was along, all his allies were dead. But he stayed - because his master Evil Abed demanded it." Evil Abed said as if he way writing it as he said it,

All of a sudden, Shadow stayed to fight the Light Squad. Weeg, Comys and many others arrived. He knew that this would likely be the end of him and the Dark Squad, but he remained courageous. He stood, bracing himself for the attack.

Comys took the first shot. He fired a Rocket at Shadow, hitting him. No scream. No sound of pain. Just an explosion booming a shockwave in all directions. Out of nowhere, Shadow dashed out of the smoke and landed a surprise blow on Comys.

It left a large gash on his right arm, rendering it unable to hold any weapon. Luckily, Shadow miscalculated. Comys was left-handed. He walloped his Bazooka on Shadow, knocking him to the ground.

Comys then faded, A white space appeared, then Comys saw him,

"Hello Comys, I am Abed. The writer"

"You are the writer!" Comys yelled,

"Well I was, you see I created YouTube Poop. I created it when I purchased Final Cut Pro, I created a reality were the boring logic and physics don't apply, where imagination is reality. Then Evil Abed appeared and stole my computer, luckily a have a backup of the files on a USB drive, now I'm stuck with a stupid Windows though. So with the crappy editor it has, all can't control YouTube Poop World more then Evil Abed, but I can help lead you to victory."

"I believe you. I will do what you say, writer." Comys said,

"Cool - Cool Cool Cool" Abed said,

Abed then faded away, eveything turned white. Comys then woke.

Weeg fired a dart at his left arm, paralyzing it.


Shadow near the conclusion of the battle.

Weeg did his signature move, making his arm fly off, into Shadow's face, landing in intense blow, and retracting it. Shadow flew back tens of meters, right through a large boulder. He got back up, and despite intense damage, was able to say something:

"Kill me if you want, Luigi, but I will never surrender!"

"You got one thing wrong, I am not Luigi! I am Weeg!" Weeg returned.

Weeg, caused one of the most painful deaths possible. He slowly heated Shadows body up telekinetically, 1 °C every 10 seconds, hoping to get a surrender. In little over a minute, His body was over 100°, bringing his blood to a boil. He continued to resist, and continued to fight his impending death for another 20 seconds. His last words were:


Weeg was happy, then he noticed it he was the only member of the Light Squad still alive, except Comys who Weeg thought was dead. He turned around, ready to leave, but say Comys standing there, he was shocked to see that he was still alive. They were the only 2 people left in the light squad, so that disbanded it. They then went their separate ways.

Chapter 2: Dark Tails

Note: Chapter two doesn't not take place after Chapter one. It auctually is happening at the same time, right after Tails joined up with Sonic, despite warning from Comys.

Tails joined Sonic, and their first mission was to travel to Planet Mobius and battle Dr. Robotnik. On the way there, Sonic abuses Tails multiple times, and causes him to lose a total of 3 liters of blood. By the time the fight began, a tails had lost so much blood, that he could not stay conscious. This only furthered the abuse by Sonic, causing him to whip Tails repeatedly.

It was a loop of abuse and torment, that nearly killed Tails on multiple occasions, and eventually Sonic's friends, Knuckles began doing it. The hatred and agony of Tails began building up, and he devised a plan to allow his rage to build up to the point where it was strong enough to kill Sonic, Leave Planet Möbius and return to Earth.

One month later, he pulled it off. He brutally attacked Sonic, nearly amputating his leg, and began beating him to a pulp, but Knuckles and multiple others arrived, restraining Tails.

Tails later snapped and went insane. He then sided with Dr. Robotnik, they then work together to make an evil clone of Tails named Dark Tails. Soon Dark Tails was done, and was sent to take Tails' place as Sonic's sidekick. Everything was working as planned, Sonic was beaten. But there was a glitch and Dark Tails started to develop intelligence, he then went on a murderous rampage until being trancized by Tails. He was then contained in Dr. Robotnik's lab.

He later escaped, and sneaked on the only ship to earth, forcing them to stay on the dreaded Planet Mobius. A week later, Dark Tails arrived on earth. The planet seemed foreign to him, but he liked it. The people here were easy to kill, needing only to snap the aorta, and cause immense internal bleeding.

No one suspected a fox could kill anyone, especially from a distance. They always thought it was a sickness, or injury. He did this for many months, eventually getting bored. Alll of the sudden, a ship arrived. Inside was Tails. He has returned! Tails challenged him to a fight to the death in a nearby cave, and it was accepted by Dark Tails. They went there, and Tails pulled out a knife and stabbed him. It didn't do anything. Tails did a high kick but Dark Tails ducked, Dark Tails then said, "You should really wear clothes". Tails then punched Dark Tails in the face, Dark Tails then fell to the ground in a pool of blood. All Tails had to do was finish him off, but then Dark Tails said,

"You don't know who you are, do you, Miles Mays. That's the name originally given to you - son of Billy Mays."

Dark Tails slowley got up. Tails looked shocked, he then fled.

"That's what I thought" Dark Tails laughed,

Dark Tails then started to go on a murderous rampage throughout Earth, he was eventually captured the U.S. Government. The Government tried to turn Dark Tails into a weapon, but Dark Tails then escaped to Mexico. After a week in Mexico, Dark Tails moved to North Korea. He then became friends with Kim-Jong Il (also called Little Kim), and they started to work together to bring down America - and to sell Ice Cream Sandwiches.

"Why the sandwiches?", you may ask. It does seem very trivial, but there are two reasons.

  1. The sandwiches are poisoned with mind-controlling chemicals.
  2. They make funds for the evil plans.

But the people of North Korea did not like Little Kim because he corrupted the economy and caused a shortage of food in North Korea, and they began to revolt, which hindered with Little Kim and Dark Tails's plot.  Little Kim had tried to settle the revolt by feeding everyone the poisoned Ice Cream Sandwiches.  The N. Koreans fell for the trick and ate the sandwiches.  But when United States soldiers came for the semi-annual inspection to provide Obama with intel to help him decide if he should go to war with North Korea, they discovered that the midgit country was populated by zombies who kept saying, "Obey Kim-John II!  Obey Dark Tails!  Destroy the world!"  When Obama heard of this, he contacted the Light Squad.

He left a message on the Light Squad's answering machine saying, "OK, listen you guys.  I know everyone hates you and you have no money or lives, but we...I need you to get back to work.  I just got intel that a monster known as Dark Tails, has escaped to North Korea and teamed up with Kim-John II, the sadistic sociopath who rules the place.  And they're using poisoned Ice Cream Sandwiches to take over the world!  You need to go and stop the threat!"  Fat Mario was the first to hear this message.  Upon hearing it, he said, "Aha!  Ice Cream Sandwiches should never be used like that!"  With this in mind, he had enevtually coninced the rest of the Light Squad to get back into action and help save the world.  Unfortunately, this took so long that the original narrator had quit and they had to hire a new one.  Then Weeg asked, "Hey, where's Tails?"  SpongeBob answered, "He left a while ago.  He said something about going on a quest to learn about his father."  "Very well," said Fat Mario.  "We'll have to go without him.  Knowing Little Kim, the sandwiches are probably a part of something bigger.  Plus, Ice Cream Sandwiches should never be used to poison people and turn them into zombies!"  So they went off to North Korea.  "But how will we afford plane tickets to get to North Korea?" Weeg said.  Everybody stopped. They realized, they first had to finish off Shadow.

Chapter 3: In Search of Billy Mays

Meanwhile Tails was in the public library trying to find a book on Billy Mays.  Suddenly The Red Guy stopped him.  "Hey there, Canadian kid!  Can I help you find something?" he asked.  Tails replied, "Yessir.  I'm looking for a book on this guy named Billy Mays."  Suddenly The Red Guy seemed annoyed.  "Why, are you doing a report on him?"  Of course he wasn't doing a book report on Billy Mays.  Nobody likes book reports!  "Well, notexactly..."  "Then BUZZ OFF!  Nobody likes that conman anyways!" The Red Guy screamed.  He seemed to turn redder than normal.  Now Tails was pissed.  "That "conman" is my father!  So are you gonna help me or what?"

"How about, NO!" The Red Guy yelled, grabbing Tails by one of his two tails and throwing him out of the library.

"FUCK MY SHIT!" Tails screetched,

"How about some scat, you little twat?" said The Red Guy as he threw a wad of poo at Tails. 

Then the Great Mighty Poo crashed through the floor and boomed at The Red Guy, "That's my line!" just before eating him.  "Now what?" Tails said to himself. Tails got up, he then resorted to the worst thing - using Wikipedia. He soon found out who Billy Mays was, and then watch all his commercials on YouTube. According to his top research, Mays was recently selling suiside stuff like suiside putty.

Tails set off to find him, and was almost there, when Mays unendorsed all things he ever endorsed. Tails went to Billy's apartment building a fast as he could and opened the door, only to find Billy Mays dead, with three sticks of suiside putty in the room. Tails was confused but knew that soon he would know the truth. then Tails heard the voice of The Red Guy saying:

If you defeat me, I'm going to sent one of my sons to kill you and your friends in the future, hahaha

Tails ignored him.

Tails later discovered that he had a text message from Fat Mario telling him about what the Light Squad was doing.  Tails was too depressed about his father to join them, so he went home.  Later, at 4 AM, Tails heard a knock at his door.  "Probably Morshu coming to crash with me again to hide from Mayor Kravendish," he said to himself as he dragged himself out of bed to answer the door.  But Tails was surprised to see an old squirrel in a Blacker Belt karate suit.  "Gah!  Who are you?" Tails said in shock.  The squirrel replied, "I am Fuzzy Acorns, Blacker Belt Karate Master!  I was sent to find you because you need help."

"You mean I need to check out the Instruction Book again?" Tails asked.  "No," Fuzzy said, "You are the son of Billy Mays but know nothing about him.  I knew the day would come when you began to ask questions about him.  And I'm here to take you on a quest to discover your heritage.  Come with me; the adventure begins now."

Tails and Fuzzy traveled to Fuzzy's House, Fuzzy Acorns then said "This is my house, is not much but I trained here for years and we can be masters of karate", Tails Said "Wait...We?", "Yes, me and my cousin Fizzy Walnuts, oh.. look there is he" Fuzzy Said.

Fizzy was a strange person, dedicated to science and stuff.. He was not the person you would expect at a dojo.

"How are you?" Fizzy asked to Tails,

"Good, So.. you can teach me?" Tails asked,

"Yes, Just stay with us two years and you will be a warrior of karate" Fizzy said, Tails then agreed.

Tails trained for two years, but left to become an employee of Morshu.

Meanwhile, Dark Tails was fired once it was apparent that he was not a slave of North Korea. He eventually immigrated to Canada and found Weegee (formerly Weeg). Weegee taught him the ways of evil, and how to use his power efficiently.

"Train Hard Dark Tails, and you will be a powerful opponent of your enemies", Weegee Said

"Don't Worry master, I'm going to train all the time that you want" Dark Tails Said

Weegee did this because one old enemy of him return in a future and he wanted to be prepared for when that future comes. Dark Tails gains new powers in the progress and new abilities, that would give him advantage later.

Chapter 4: Allies

Two years later, Tails and his counterpart Dark Tails completed their training by his masters.

Tails was so pleased by the help of Fuzzy Acorns and Fizzy Walnuts. he invite the two masters to eat in Krusty Krab, Fuzzy was happy because it was the same place where he and his cousin were going.

"Of course We'll go to the Krusty Krab" Fizzy said

"Yes, and we need to visit our apprentice Sandy Cheeks" Fizzy said

"Well...?What are we waiting for? we go to the Krusty Krab" Tails said

Meanwhile, Dark Tails was so pleased by the help of Weegee. Dark Tails swear to Weegee that he will be prepared for the arrival of his enemy. Weegee was proud of the progress of Dark Tails how his apprentice.

"Now you need to search allies that follow you like your best friends" Weegee said

"I will recruit all potential members my master" Dark Tails replied

Dark Tails were dismissed of his master and began his search. during his search, Dark Tails then found Tubby, who attacked Dark Tails. After Dark Tails defeated Tubby, Dark Tails convinces the him to join him in his search.

Meanwhile, Tails, Fizzy Walnuts and Fuzzy Acorns come to Bikini Bottom and found Sandy Cheeks and Spongebob Squarepants.

"Masters, how are you?" Sandy said,

"Very Good" said both of them at the same time,

"So.. they are your masters too, Sandy?" Tails said,

"Yes, they're the great masters of the karate in the world" replied Sandy

"Enough talk, now to the Krusty Krab" Tails said,

"YEEESSS" everybody said,

Tails, Fuzzy Acorns, Fizzy Walnuts and Sandy Cheeks headed to the Krusty Krab. at the Krusty Krab, the 4 ate Krabby Patties prepared by Spongebob Squarepants.

"Hey Fizzy, I challenge you to fight" Fuzzy challenged,

"It will be very easy" Fizzy said,

Fizzy attacks Fuzzy, but he stop the kick of Fizzy and throws him to the window. Fizzy tries to punch Fuzzy, but Fuzzy evasive the attack and punches Fizzy in the face throwing him to a trash. Fizzy tries to attack Fuzzy again but Fuzzy grabs him and starts to slaps his face 25 times. Fizzy tried to get up but Fuzzy spat him in the face.

Everybody starts to tease of Fizzy defeat including his Fuzzy. Fizzy Walnuts cries while his mind bit by bit become corrupted while his body started to deform.

"How dare you...MOTHER FUCKER" Fizzy said in a demonic tone

After that, Fizzy Walnuts screams and kills, mutilates and scrunch Fuzzy Acorns, Sandy Cheeks and Spongebob were traumatized by the scene.

"Master Fizzy, WHY YOU DID THAT!!!" Tails said

"This is all your fault STUPID FOX!!" Fizzy said

Fizzy escaped from the scene and started to kill everybody in the road. Sandy cries and Tails tried to consolate her.

Meanwhile, Dark Tails and Tubby found Da-Da and Insane Woody.

"Hello boys, How are you" Insane Woody said

"You have a lot of guts to come back here Tubby" Da-Da said,

"Why, what he did?" Dark Tails replied,

"This faggot tried to rape me in the midnight" Da-Da replied,

"How?" Dark Tails asked,

"Telepathically controlling sex toys, YOUR SICK TUBBY!" Da-Da replied,

" toys" Insane Woody replied

"SHUT UP!!!" Da-Da replied

"So.. you will join us" Dark Tails said

"Yes, but with a condition" Da-Da replied

"Tubby is gonna be the new sex toy of Insane Woody" Da-Da said

"DAFUQ" Tubby replied

"Done" Dark Tails replied

Suddenly, a mysterious figure darts from behind a small randomly placed tree to a large randomly placed tree. The rustling of leaves is heard from the large tree, and a cyan crate flies over everyone's heads and hits a randomly placed purple bulldozer 20 meters away. The box pops open, and a random guy clad in off-white (armor) pops out.

"Who's that?" Dark Tails asks.

The mysterious figure answers, "I am Mayonnaise. I am looking for Dinner.".

Mayonnaise then exits the crate, revealing that he is about 3 meters tall. He walks behind the bulldozer. It was then revealed that he was sitting on top of a slightly taller guy that was really clad in dull cyan, but had a mayo-colored blanket on top of him. The duo then opened the bulldozer's hood, and did strange things in there, due to lots of metal clanking. Suddenly, there was an explosion sound and half of the now-flipped bulldozer turned navy blue. Mayonnaise and his friend got chucked out and flew all the way to Hyrule, and bounced back after about 30 seconds later with the Dinner Blaster.

"This is really necessary?" Dark Tails asks

"Yes, we need to be prepared, because the evil plague of a gross rat is going to invade the world, and the Dinner Blaster is a good weapon unless you're using it against people like me." Mayonnaise replied

"Although The King's Dinner Blaster won't do anything to anyone in our boss's army, aside from getting a large cheeseburger getting stuck in a strange location." Mayonnaise's friend added

Meanwhile, in the deep drainage, an army of rats were training hard by his master the Professor Padric Ratigan. This actually occurred *just* before Dark Tails finds Da-Da and Insane Woody.

"My friends; we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career! A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy!" Ratigan said to his army

However, little did Ratigan know that a sneak known as Spie was spying on him. Spie was recording the data with a security camera, and the data was transmitting to another sneak's computer. This other sneak was the master hacker, known as C:/H4&&0R.

Spie was a very sneaky spy, and C:/H4&&0R (let's just call him Haxxor) was good with computers. However, there wasn't any obvious way to send the footage to their leader,Dr. Cyanide, without revealing the secret operations of Spie and/or himself.

Hmm, maybe I could tell Dr. Cyanide that I made a flying security camera that automatically seeks out evil excluding Cyanide's army, but who knows how much punishment I could get for making something behind Dr. Cyanide's back? Haxxor thought to himself.

Then, he realized: If Dr. Cyanide realizes that someone other than him has an evil plot, then he'd be too caught up in dealing with that threat to actually punish me.

So, Haxxor decided to try to find Dr. Cyanide's room in the Annihilator, Dr. Cyanide's huge spaceship. It was hard, because the only rooms that Haxxor knew how to get to were the Engineer's room and the bathroom, which was completely unnecessary (because skeletons don't use the bathroom). Good thing there was a map dispenser right outside of the Engineer's room.

After about half an hour, Haxxor found Dr. Cyanide's room.

"What are you doing here, Engineer? You're supposed to be working on your computer making weaponry!" Dr. Cyanide exclaimed.

"I am sorry for going behind your back, but I made a flying security camera that detects non-Cyanide evils." Haxxor said.

"You are going to be in so much trouble!" Dr. Cyanide exclaims.

"But wait," Haxxor says. Haxxor then shows Dr. Cyanide some footage Spie retrieved.

"I'll deal with you later," Dr. Cyanide says, "Just where is this disgustingly retarded rat?"

"I dunno, it looks like it's in a sewer. We should prepare." Haxxor says.

Dr. Cyanide goes to his intercom and says, "Mayonnaise! Bobby! Get in here immediately!"

A few minutes later, a Cyanidal Battlestar escorts Mayonnaise and Bobby to Dr. Cyanide.

"Cyanidal Battlestar, put Mayonnaise and Bobby in a crate. Mayo and Bobby, look for weaponry and other resources after you get out of the crate. We have to stop this fat rat's plague." Dr. Cyanide says.

The Cyanidal Battlestar is then teleported to Canada with the crate, ending up behind the small tree when Dark Tails finds Da-Da and Insane Woody. However, it is still unknown how Spie wound up at Ratigan's sewer fortress. However, Ratigan saw him.

"How dare you poke your stupid nose into my wonderful scheme and foul up everything?!" Ratigan said to Spie

"Wait a minute, how'd you find me?" Spie exclaimed.

Ratigan encloses spie in the Dungeon of his pet Edzilla. Spie confront the beast and got damage him, Spie escapes later from the Dungeon. Spie tells everything to Dr Cyanide.

"Ratigan is planning to invade the world with his army called The Toxic Army with his pet Edzilla" Spie said

Meanwhile, with Ratigan and Edzilla

"Don't Worry my beautiful beast, we going to get revenge of that idiot" Ratigan said

"(roars)" Edzilla replied with growls

"But now, is time of The Toxic Army come to the light of the sun and starts the invasion, RISE UP MY ARMY!!" Ratigan replied

Toxic rats began to emerge from the sewers and approach to Ratigan and Edzilla

"hahaha...hahhaha.HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Ratigan demonic laughs,

"Don't forget my deal" Squidward Tenticles said from the shadows,

"Of corse! Here you are your own bio army, the Skodwarde Squad!" Ratigan screamed as he presented the Skodwarde Squad to Squidward.

"Good, SS destroy this rat and his pathetic army!" Squidward ordered,

The SS attacked, in five seconds The Toxic Army was no more.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Ratigan screamed,

Then Skodwarde leaped at him, but Ratigan shows a smoke bomb and escapes leaving Edzilla.

"Well Edzilla, You're our pet now" Squidward said

Meanwhile, at Dr. Cyanide's spaceship...

"We already know the rat's plot. Well no wonder we lost a Cyanidal Archer 4 months ago..." said Dr. Cyanide.

"You didn't LOSE it, there was merely a class change!" Spie said.

"You do know we're going to need plenty of preparations by now, right? I think Mayonnaise is done by now, it's been half a chapter." Haxxor said.

"You're right. But what do you mean half a chapter?" Dr. Cyanide replied.

"Oops. But can't you get Mayo?" Haxxor said.

"Anyways, behold, the TeleTube! It teleports (hence the "tele" in the name) things to it. It's experimental, though. Good thing I sent Bobby!" Dr. Cyanide said. He then pushes a lot of buttons and brings Bobby into the cyan translucent half of a tube.

"It worked!" Dr. Cyanide exclaimed.

He then pushes more buttons and Mayonnaise appears, with the Dinner Blaster stuck in his ribcage (don't worry, Mayonnaise, Dr. Cyanide, and any members of Dr. Cyanide's army are Skeletons from Minecraft).

"I swear I was holding the Dinner Blaster a second ago, and how'd I get here?" Mayonnaise asked.

"Right... I forgot to tell you Dr. Cyanide's Engineers made a teleporting device." Bobby said.

"It was me. Anyways, let's prepare for battle!" Dr. Cyanide said.

Bobby's ribs then fell out.

"And the teleporting device is still experimental." Dr. Cyanide said, "but we have more important things to do. Let's prepare for BATTLE!"

Chapter 5: Weegee's Last Stand

It's been two months of hiding, finally Ratigan thought he was safe, but then a knife drove through his back, the knife wielder surprisingly ended up to be Oglethorpe, a fat, lazy, and retarded Plutonian.

"It's nothing business related, it's just personal. I really don't like rats." Oglethorpe said,

However, little did anyone know that Ratigan had a cloning machine, and Oglethorpe killed a clone. And Ratigan was making more clones... Ratigan then planned his attack, unfortunately he doesn't have an army anymore. All he had to do was wait a moment when Skodwarde was in danger.

Meanwhile, Dark Tails with his partners Tubby, Insane Woody and Da-Da went to Weegee's House.

"I see you've got your new partners, Dark Tails" Weegee said

"Yes Master Weegee, Mission Completed" Dark Tails replied

Then everybody hear a loud sound coming from the sewers. Dark Tails sensed something bad was going to happen. He notified Weegee of the impending attack, but Weegee denied any threat.

The Manhole cover flew up, and under it was Skodwarde. Dark Tails dashed forward and kicked the head off of him. There was a note stuck to his hand. It said:

"This isn't over. I am just a clone. Oh, and by the way, Ratigan knows exactly where you are, and he knows what you will do."

Suddenly, an oversized ship flies over, and projects a beam down to the ground. A few seconds later, the team of Spie, Mayonnaise, and Bobby appears from the beam. (If you're wondering, Haxxor is assisting with operations in the giant ship.)

"We're here to help!" Mayonnaise said.

The trio was well-equipped. Spie had a huge cyan sword, Mayonnaise had the Dinner Blaster, and Bobby wielded two diamond swords. Spie also had a backpack full of pies.

Later, it was midnight and everyone was asleep. Except for Dark Tails, Tubby, Mayonnaise, and Bobby who were secretly discussing what to do about the new threat.

"What are we supposed to do?" Dark Tails whispered,

"FETFAQ?" Tubby wispered,

"No, no one's being raped" Bobby whispered,

"...Except for ALL OF YOU PENISHEADS!" yelled a large red sex offender from behind the group.  Then The Red Guy and his son Lord Tirek appeared.  The Red Guy bent down to Dark Tails and said, "And what happened to you?  Why are you so...dark, all of the sudden?"  Dark Tails replied with great anger, "I know who you are and I still remember what you did to me all those years ago at that damn library!"  Then Lord Tirek grabbed Dark Tails and The Red Guy said, "All those years?  It was only a few days ago.  o_O"

"He's from the future!  He's evil!" Mayonnaise interrupted.

"Who ARE you, Dr. Exposition?  Anyways, I got a job from a guy named Ratigus or something...he said I could get rich if I raped you freaks, and I decided to bring my son Tirek to show him how to be satanic!  HAHAHAHAHA"

The Red Guy put on a condom while Tirek flipped Dark Tails over.  Tubby stared at Tirek with a shocked expression, like he knew what was gonna happen next. 

"So here's what's gonna happen..." The Red Guy said to Dark Tails, tightening his condom, "I'm gonna take my little red ding-a-ling, and I'll stick it into that little crack of yours between your buttcheeks until you cry.  Trust me, though, it's gonna feel really good.  I know because I've done this before."

"MONSTER!" Tubby screamed.  The Red Guy grabbed Dark Tails and prepared to begin the rape...  But suddenly The Red Guy's fist came to life and kept punching him until he fainted.  Then The Red Guy saw just before he blacked out that his fist didn't just come to life; Tubby had been telepathically controlling it.  "Tirek...kill...the starfish." The Red Guy managed to say just before passing out.

Upon his father's command, Tirek became furious and charged towards Tubby, preparing to maul him.  Tubby was helpless as he could do almost nothing by himself, was too heavy to be moved by his friends, and there was no one at the campsite he hated enough to let them die.  So he began to binge on some ice cream he was saving in his pants so that the pain of being gored would be muted by the good taste of ice cream (although this ice cream seemed to taste like butt).  But all the noise had woken up Insane Woody, who jumped in front of Tirek and yelled, "You're mah favorite deputy!"  Tirek was startled to have an insane cowboy clinging on to him, so the monster foolishly ran into a brick wall that had appeared out of nowhere.

Then Tubby used his telekinetic powers to make butt-flavored ice cream fall all over Tirek.  Tirek screamed in fury, grabbed The Red Guy, and ran away.  But he looked back and said, "You assholes were lucky this time.  But Skodwarde is close by, and he's gonna find you and kill Weegee once and for all." 

"WHAT WAS THAT!?!?" Screamed Bobby,

Dark Tails stood up.

"Oh, your complaining! I was almost RAPED by a PEDOPHILE!" Dark Tails screamed,

"That doesn't make - how old are you?" Mayonnaise asked,

"Eight, created one year ago though" Dark Tails said,

"And I never was raped by him. What did he mean?" Wondered Dark Tails,

"He mistaken you for me" Tails said stepping out of the shadows,

"How long were you standing - WHY ARE YOU HERE?" asked Mayo,

"The Skodwarde Squad and Ratigan are paying trained fighters to take you out" Tails said,

"I am one of them" Tails finished,

Everyone then prepared to battle - except Tails.

"Don't worry, I'm on your side. I'm not here to kill you, I'm here to warn you!" Tails explained,

Everyone relexed a bit, but still looked ready to attack.

"Why would they pay you?" Asked Bobby,

"I have a dark past. My uncle is Jason Vooheers, and I am said the have a good change of going insane. They think I am like my uncle..." Tails said,

"It's not your fault, it's your uncle's." Mayonnaise interrupted.

"But I'm not, AND I NEVER WILL BE!" Tails finished,

Suddenly, Spie wakes up.

"I had this really weird dream," Spie said, "about some red guy sticking his penis into Dark Tails' butt. And there was this weird red bicorn that had ice cream dumped all over him. And a random brick wall and an orange fox saying a serial killer psychopath was his father."

"…," Mayonnaise says, "It was real. But Dark Tails was saved."

Spie was very confused.

"Snooping as usual, I see." Spie says.

Later, Edzilla appears facing Dark Tails and his friends. However, Edzilla speak:

"Wait, do not attack me I'm in your side" Edzilla said

"our side, why if you are the stupid pet of Ratigan who try to kill me" Spie replied

"Because Ratigan betrayed me and leave me in mercy of Squidward and Skodwarde Squad" Edzilla replied

"So... wait... what's even going on?" Spie says.

"It's a long story." Mayonnaise says.

"Speaking of long stories, I've found one identical to our adventures on the Internet!" Bobby says.

"STOP CONFUSING ME!!!" Spie said. He then starts throwing bricks at everyone and runs outside, only to fall into a hole.

Suddenly, a jellyfish wearing a bucket that had the letters "SS" labeled on it jumped out from a rock and flew away frantically.  "Oh, no, that jellyfish is a spy!  The Skodwarde Squad uses jellyfish as spies, scouts, and cannon fodders!" exclaimed Dark Tails.  "If we let it get away, Squidward will know where we are!"

"No he won't," said Insane Woody, " 'cause we're gonna get outta here, like, right now!  We gotta protect Weegee, don't we?"

"But where will we go?" Dark Tails asked.  "Obviously, to find Ratigan and end this once and for all!" Insane Woody replied.  "But how will we find Ratigan?" Dark Tails asked again. 

However, Spie pops out of another hole and blocks the jellyfish.

"NEVER imitate my style." Spie said, before throwing a pie at the jellyfish. The jellyfish got knocked back into Dark Tails' face. Dark Tails pushed it off, disgusted.

Then Bobby got an idea and picked up the jellyfish.  "Hey, maybe we can interrogate the jellyfish and it'll tell us where to find Squidward and/or Ratigan!" 

Dark Tails said, "The only problem is, what can a jellyfish tell us?  It's just a gelatinous mass with electrically charged tentacles.  It doesn't even have a brain, for crying out loud!"  Then the jellyfish slapped Dark Tails with a tentacle, and a pink inflamed bump appeared on his face.

Dark Tails takes out a knife.

"NO!" Everyone screams,

After a week of interrogation, everyone realized that Dark Tails was on to something (since Jellyfish can't speak English) then everyone heard a big explosion, Dark Tails left telling everyone to continue being retards and trying to get a brainless jellyfish to talk while he goes and check out what's happening. He soon arrived and he say Weegee fighting Skodwarde.


During the fight, Weegee was injured by Skodwarde and he was about to kill him, However, Ratigan appeared as a monster and attacked Skodwarde.

"What the fuck happened to you" Skodwarde Said

"You turned me into this!" Ratigan replied

When Skodwarde was injured he threw sand at the face of Ratigan, Skodwarde punched his face and grabbed Ratigan and threw him to Hell.

Weegee then, grabbed Skodwarde and threw him into a building, it was all over. Weegee turned around.

"Hey Dark Tails" Weegee said as Skodwarde stood up and drew several knives.

"WEEGEE! LOOK OUT!" Dark Tails yelled. But it was too late. Weegee was repeativley stabbed. Skodwarde looked at Dark Tails.

"I would kill you, but you are no threat. I highly doubt you can ever defeat me, much less kill me. You might as well give up now." Skodwarde said as he disappeared into the darkness,

Then the based exploded, with everyone but Dark Tails in it. Dark Tails looked at Weegee - dead. Then the base - everyone was dead. He then fell to his knees, and started to cry. Then he noticed him - Tubby was alive. Dark Tails got up.

"Skodwarde killed Weegee, my friends, and my soul. And I will kill Skodwarde - I will get revenge." Dark Tails said,

He and Tubby then walked away from the base (Tubby technically floated), and didn't look back.


OR IS IT...?


  • MilezTailzPrower (One of the writers of all the Chapters, and created artwork)
  • Adam9812 (One of the Chapter 1, 2, 3 and 5 writers, and drew battle artwork of chapter 1)
  • Mr Morshu (One of the Chapter 2, 3, and 5 writers)
  • Ponyalfonso (One of the Chapter 3, 4 and 5 writers)
  • Bramblenose (One of the writers of Chapters 4 and 5)

Start a Discussion Discussions about War of the Squads Book 2: Rise of Weegee

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