The Enclosed Instruction Booklet

"If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the Enclosed Instruction Book!"
Fat Mario
The Enclosed Instruction Book is a sacred ancient artifact of the Order of the Hotels that is said to contain advanced and detailed information on almost everything and even things not known to mankind. It was founded by Fat Mario and Gay Luigi who, as expected of them, kept it to themselves.

Today, only the Hotel Manager of the Order of the Hotels is allowed to read the Enclosed Instruction Book. Even then, it is said that it drove the former Hotel Manager to madness and (possibly) gave him AIDS.

Known Contents

Nobody except the Hotel Manager knows what the book really contains, other than a Hotel Mario walkthrough, that is. Mario and Luigi only trusted You to view it and mentioned it to nobody else. It's possible that the book is cursed, and those who read it will be forced to star in bad video games and relive their shame forever, thus why the Bros. would never allow it to fall into anyone's hands, although there is currently an information leak of the book's contents and You is the leading suspect. According to its size, it is roughly 115 pages long. So far, it's been confirmed that the book contains this info:

  • An in-depth walkthrough of Hotel Mario.
  • Mario and Luigi's medical records, which confirm that Mario has both types of diabetes and severe obesity, and that Luigi is homosexual.
  • The Princess's famous Spaghetti recipe.
  • Dr. Robotnik's journal entries from when he was supposedly in the 4th Dimension.
  • A number of different antifraud plans to get rid of Fred Figglehorn.
  • A partial copy of Mr. Krabs's Secret Formula.
  • The secret of the King's dinner obsession.
  • The instructions on how to create an identical clone of Billy Mays with a Command Block.
  • The history behind Morshu and Impa's secret sex life.
  • Justin Bieber's real gender.
  • Why the Skodwarde Squad is ugly.
  • What is inside Josh Brolin's pants.
  • Long Term Memory Retrieval.
  • Who has the biggest a PINGAS around.
  • Secrets of how to build a wall to keep the Mexicans out.
  • How to get through the hotels.
  • The secrets of Gravity Falls.
  • How to summon The Almighty Loaf.
  • The secrets of the Illuminati.
  • How to destroy the Cum Bucket.
  • Ganon's horribly embarrassing secrets.
  • 76 misspelled words.
  • A list of everything the Hungry Pumkin has eaten.
  • cs188's previous and upcoming YTPs. (about 40 pages long!)
  • Caillou's criminal record and tips on punishing him.
  • Nude images of princess Peach and Daisy.
  • The secret of Sonic making Magic Drugs for himself so he can be as fast as light speed.
  • Why Squidward always wanted to kill himself.
  • Criminal records of Mushroom Kingdom.
  • Fionna's next target.
  • The location of Tomo Takino.
  • The true familial relations of Mega Man and Roll.
  • The date when Starscream will finally usurp Megatron.
  • How to open a portal to the 2nd Dimension.
  • How to make fun of FNaF without getting roasted by a bunch of triggered Squeakers.
  • How to stop Error!Sans.
  • The lyrics of Never Gonna Give You Up and Together Forever.
  • Ways to stop Bowser's Pingas from expanding even moar.
  • The secret of Weegee and Malleo.
  • How to kill Hank Hell.
  • How to get to Sesame Street.
  • How to be married to Selena Gomez.
  • Why Cuphead is extremely tricky and how to beat it.
  • How to avoid getting a headache from any cancerous online community.

Known Threats to the Book

Unfortunately, there are many evil forces out there and some of them have tried to take the book and use its powers for their own selfish gain. So far, these guys have been labeled as threats to said book:

  • Morshu: Every day, he relentlessly comes after the book to sell all the pages for ridiculously high prices.
  • Tails: Works for Morshu. That makes him a threat.
  • Ganon: He once tried to use the book to bribe Link into joining him with the promise of letting him read the book.
  • Bowser: He has been trying to destroy the book ever since the events of Hotel Mario so the Mario Bros. would lose all the cheat codes and never be able to stop Bowser ever again.
  • You: He may have abused the Mario Bros.' trust by leaking information about the book's content.
  • Not Stu: He almost destroyed the book in the process of using it to convince everyone that he's not Stu.
  • Fred Figglehorn: This book basically tells you how to get rid of the faggot, so of course he's an enemy of it.
  • Adolf Hitler: He created an evil version of the book, titled Mein Kampf, to force an entire frigging country to do everything he said. He may have some relation with the Instruction Book itself.
  • Plankton: He is convinced the book's powers can help him obtain the secret chemical formula known as the "Secret Formula", isn't he?
  • Donald Trump: The book has the ability to create a great wall to keep the Mexicans out.
  • The Nazi Cheeseburger: If he gets the book, no one will ever live again, even gods! (He is so evil, he doesn't even have his page!)
  • Serena D'ohmez: Hates Selena Gomez. That makes her a threat.

Known Friends of the Book

Thankfully, the Mario Bros. were able to find a few people they could actually trust with the damn thing. So far, this small group of good guys consists of:

  • Stu Pickles: He hates Not Stu.
  • Ultron: He likes helping Stu Pickles.
  • King Harkinian: He is helping to guard the book so he can find Duke Onkled and punish him (most likely by making him scrub all the floors as this is what Harkinian does to everybody).
  • You: Seeing as he's helped the Mario Bros. hundreds of times before, You is the most trusted person among the book protectors.
  • Mr. Krabs: He wants to learn how to get past the first level (at which he failed 1,000,297,001 times) and beat Plankton in the Cum Bucket once and for all.
  • Selena Gomez: She instructs readers of the book to kill threats with kindness.