See all those markings, it's DISGUSTING!!!

L. Adam, is more commonly referred to as Adam Levine is an alien species disguising as a hideous human, trying to sing in a band of shitsticks known as Maroon 5. 

Life as a Human Edit

Third only to the horrendous turds known as Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, L. Adam is one of the most crappiest and annoying singers on this Earth. To warm up his vocals, he simply gets kicked in the crotch and gets his skull smashed with a sledgehammer... repeatedly. He sings with the voice of a eunich strangling a hairless cat while taking a shit on the rug. His body is littered with strange repulsive markings from an extraterrestrial civilization. While L. Adam is quite good at blending in with common people, he finds himself troubled when beautiful naked men appear before him because it expands his dong.  

Crimes and Health IssuesEdit

L. Adam is obsessed with "appearing naked all the time", because he admits he is "sexually promiscuous" to men. 

L. Adam has a habit of shaving his head bald every once in a while, we think its cancer, but we really don't know. Let's just say he has severe gonorrhea. 

L. Adam was arrested in 2009 for allegedly doing cocaine and smoking weed every day.

Nobody wants to see or hear this bastard sing...


L. Adam being a horny pervert.

L. Adam was arrested in 2007 and 2008 for multiple accounts of sexually assaulting several men after stalking them. 

Both Sandy Cheeks and detective Nancy Drew claim that L. Adam has AIDS. 

When L. Adam cannot find a man to love, he enjoys fucking random bitches. Yes, there is a part of him that is bisexual.

L. Adam seducing a random bitch...

Love InterestsEdit

  • May: Though May is often called a "dirty skank" by the community, L. Adam genuingly seems to be attracted to her, as he masturbates everytime he talks to her. 
  • Blissey: L. Adam had an egg with this Pokémon. 
  • Kitara: Despite her terrible performance in The Last Airbender, L. Adam did like her acting. 
  • Blake Shelton: Though this is largely unconfirmed, L. Adam has allegedly been accused of sharing "intimate" moments with this country singer on The Voice. 
  • Mavis Beacon: She stole his soul to create Adam the Eunuch. Let's just say that L. Adam has never been more reprehensible!


  • Justin Bieber (We can't blame him for this)
  • Miley Cyrus (She even more appalling than L. Adam!)
  • Adam9812 - Adam9812 is embarrassed to share a name with him
  • Dr. Rabbit
  • Konata Izumi (she hates men) 
  • Poopoo Chichi Weenie (he enjoys humuliating L. Adam in public by shitting into his mouth.) 
  • Mr. Krabs (He is too cheap to buy a radio) 
  • Squidward
  • Ong (Tried to steal Kitara from him, though was so emotionless that nobody could tell he tried)
  • Howie Mandel
  • Lady Gaga
  • Britney Spears
  • Toon Link 
  • Fat Mario 
  • Giygas 
  • Shrek
  • Miu Gaigai 
  • Slowking 

As shown, L. Adam has somehow gathered a large list of enemies, wonder why that is...

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