Early Cuyler is a squid who lives in the south. He has a ton of jobs, yet he has no money, due to laziness, herpes, and alcohol problems. His default job is to work for a man with no knees, elbows, or pingas. (AKA Dan Halen HQ). Then again, he was also fired from the HQ for purposely trying to cut his testicles off. He is not related to Squidward Tentacles.



Due to all the racist laws that stated that cephlopods could not go to school, he had never got an education. Granted, he thought reading was for "dumbasses". Finally, when a law was passed, he busted out of the window as soon as he entered the school. Instead of going to school, Early helped his father rob a convenience store.

Teenage YearsEdit

Early met Mama Luigi when he was fifteen. However, when Early found out Mama Luigi had a penis, he reported him to the authorities for being a "transsexual sumbutch". However, the authorities checked Early's record, Early was sent to jail for the first time, and he was put in the same cell as Mama Luigi. Mama Luigi got revenge on Early for snitching, by raping him. Early was also raped by other people because cephlopods were still considered a minority.

The rest of his lifeEdit

Early got married to this fat lady name Krystal. He is currently a straight rights activist.

Eating your own son.

Early getting ready to devour his own son.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.